This is out of control

It was only a matter of time. First there was 'the accident'. Then the sketchy police report. Then... the first hints of infidelity. Then a rush of mistresses. Hostesses, waitresses, Florida Cougars. Boyfriends came out to proclaim that their women had played a part in the ongoing drama. It went from one to ten to sixteen to... God only knows how many. But now, we have another first.

Yes. I'm talking about Tiger Woods and his suddenly upside-down world. His squeaky-clean image has been tarnished (beyond repair?) over the last weeks. Sponsors have dropped him. He's taken a 'leave of absence' from the PGA tour. His wife has bought a new (isolated) home in Sweden and is ready to flee, children and all. What could possibly make things worse? Well, let me tell you.

Reports have been sneaking out that Tiger is in full-on losing it mode. He sits in front of his TV all day, eating Lucky Charms cereal and watching cartoons. All night he drives golf balls around his ginormous back yard (Which for a lot of us would be like some kind of idyllic lifestyle). But there's always the wrinkle, the wrench in the gears, the hole in the condom. You know... that bad thing that messes it all up.

Seems that Tiger has not been alone in his darkest hour. He's had someone there to hold him close and tell him that it will all be ok. Someone to wipe his tears. Someone to stroke his... ego. And that some one is... Tommy Gunns!!!! Yes!! Tiger's 'companion' in this rough time is none other than the Toyz six-string stud. Go figure. I never would have bought Tiger as, let's say, 'ambidextrous', a 'switch-hitter', you get the idea. Now, Gunns... that's another story. Some of his wardrobe choices should have given this away long ago.

Ah, Tiger. We hardly knew ye. And Gunns, well, Emaxx always said this would happen.

Take care all,
Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)