"Down on the Ground"

Went to a movie over the weekend. Ok, so I slept through a good portion of it. I still paid to see it. Ok, so I snuck in. Look... I saw at least 15 or 20 minutes of the flick and I did buy popcorn and a large soda (Did that sound American? Soda... instead of pop. Never mind). Anyway, it was the new George Clooney flick "Up in the Air". One of the subplots involved George trying to qualify for a select group that has accumulated 10 million miles flown with a particular airline. That got me to thinking... big f**king deal, George. Flying 10 million miles on some crappy corporate dime is easy. But could you top the earth-bound accomplishments of another impressive group of travelers?

And that group, of course, is your very own Broken Toyz. Like I said, who couldn't put in a ton of time lounging in a first-class seat, sipping champagne, relaxing under a hot towel, getting mile-high hand-jobs from stewardesses while wearing cute little airline slippers? But could George put in 10 million miles on the road, in a van, spooning Johnny Emaxx on a vinyl bench seat, sharing a single-serving container of butterscotch pudding with Dannii Lee Damage, smelling Likki Stixx' farts and listening to Tommy Gunns' awful jokes? Ok, maybe not 10 million miles... maybe not even a million... ok, maybe 10 thousand, but could he? Now, I love George (in a hetero way, of course), but I don't think he, or you, or even I could put in the time and miles in the unpleasant way the way the Toyz Boyz have.

They are indeed road warriors. Miles and miles of smelly, uncomfortable, hunger-filled, mind-numbing road work. All to do one simple thing. To bring your favorite 80's metal anthems to you, day after day, week after week, even year after year. And you'd better f**king appreciate it!!!

Finkelstein out...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)