Stixx trixx

It's not that Likki Stixx is old, or that he's not a good looking fella. He isn't, and he is. Despite the many long years of hard partying and the thousands of miles he's logged on the road, I still think of Likki as the younger, plucky brother I never had. To this day he still looks, and dresses, like he could be in 8th grade, and God knows he sometimes behaves like he's eight years old. Yet, I still find myself amazed at the fact that women who look like they're still waiting for their first visit from Aunt Flo seem to throw themselves at his feet.

I was at my local multiplex over the weekend, catching the latest installment in a spy movie franchise that originated a decade, or two, before any of Likki's conquests were even glimmers in their parents' eyes. On my way out, as I do from time to time, I snuck into the theatre next to mine, to catch a few minutes of whatever flick was screening. Unfortunately, it was "High School Musical 3". I watched for a couple minutes, thinking about how guilty, nay dirty, I felt that I'd seen Vanessa Hudgens (one of HSM3's feamle leads) naked on the 'net, and how I was strangely attracted to male lead Zac Efron (he sure is cute, and not a bad dancer). Deciding that I would now have to take a long shower to cleanse myself of these sins, I stood to leave.

Lo, who did I see, curled up with a pretty young thing, in the back row of the auditorium, hands wandering and eyes closed? Well, if you guessed Likki Stixx you get a gold star. Now, I'm sure she was an mature, adult female, who simply has a healthy love of all things musical, who has developed an appreciation for singing and dancing talent, regardless of the performer's having reached the age of majority.

Ok, who am I kidding? Likki, man...even if you haven't ended up in jail yet, have some pride. You're a grown man! I know 40, even 50, year old chicks who dig you. Just have sex with someone who remembers a time before iPods, the internet and Hanson. Please, do it for me. No ,do it for yourself. I love you man, and I just can't share a bed with you on the road if I'm worried about coming into contact with the essence of some naif you met at the Jonas Brothers show, or the Hannah Montana movie. Be a man-whore, I'm ok with that, just no more girls young enough to be my daughter.

You know what? Take my Mom...really, she's a goer. One roll in the hay with her and you'll never go back to inexperienced women. Trust me. I never did.

Did I just say that...


Eli Finkelstein (Cy and Tova's kid)