Gunns blazing

Tonight, yet again, features the return of Tommy Gunns. It sure seems like he has been spending more time on the road with other projects than he has with the Toyz. Not that we begrudge him any success he may have, regardless of what genre of music he finds it in. Even...I find it painful even to type it...country! But is this really what's been going on? I've heard tell that something else may be at play here. Another of Gunns many attempts to preserve his youthful looks.

The first rumour I heard was that Gunns was hanging out at the Neverland Ranch, sleeping in Michael Jackson's hyperbaric chamber. It wouldn't be his first time at the ranch. He and Jackson spent some time in the 90's bonding over a common passion of theirs. No, not 8 year old boys...they were riding a train with Lisa Marie Presley. No! Not pulling a train with her! Riding! You know, the train that used to go around Neverland before Jackson went bankrupt and had to sell it.

Next, I heard that Gunns had flown to some secluded spa/monastery in east Asia where he was participating in some ancient youth-giving ritual where he bathed for three days in the urine of pre-pubescent virgin girls (at least he's not drinking it...). I don't know about you but looking young isn't important enough for me to soak in piss, and I have heard that Gunns has some quirky fetishes, but come on, I don't buy this for a second.


Regardless of what type of misadventures Gunns has been off engaging in, he is back tonight, at Morgan's, and you can bet he and the boys will rock your asses off. Just try not to pee with Gunns around, especially you women...especially if you're a young woman...especially if you're a young Asian woman.

Dewa mata ne...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)