A small fortune

People come up and ask me all the time if the Toyz are living the life of the rock gods they claim to be. As glamourous as it is to have a steady gig at Morgan's, with adoring fans who keep the boys stocked up with shots and beer, who throw their panties and bras (and occasionally bros) at the band while on stage, who offer to perform favours of a sexual nature for the band (or so they tell me...), it is not as lucrative as say a 200 city world tour might be. Not to say that the boys are suffering. All of them, aside from Emaxx and his familial woes, are financially secure, with roofs over their heads and pantries full of Top Ramen. Well, except for Tommy Gunns.

For those of you who don't know, Gunns lives in a 3700 sq. ft. home, with a mountain view, on 37 acres of land outside the city. He owns 13 cars (and trucks, SUVs, etc.). He has a paid staff of 5, including a massage therapist, an aesthetician and one girl who does nothing but ensure the water temperature in his bidet is a constant 98.2 degrees. And how exactly does one in his line of work attain such a station in life? The answer is to be the guy behind the guy.

In the late 90's and early 2000's, there was a period when the Toyz' fortunes were a little down so Gunns took so work on the side. Like many before him, he took gigs playing offstage, accentuating the sound of certain arena headlining acts. Think of Cinderella's longtime keyboard player, Rick Criniti, who played with the band (mostly uncredited) for over 10 years. One of the gigs Gunns took was a short stint playing guitar with mini-KISS. You may not have heard of mini-KISS, but there were hopes, at one time, that they were gonna break huge. They even had the blessing of the God of Thunder himself, Gene Simmons. But there was a little concern that the band's chops were not going to cut it live (they eventually decided to downsize their plans and tour as a lip-syncing act), so they hired Gunns to be their phantom guitar hero. Well, he signed a sweet short-term deal and, through some twist in the small print of contract law, ended up making a small fortune off the deal while everyone else involved lost their shirts (except Gene Simmons, of course). Since they came out on the short end of things, there was word of a hit being put out, by the Midget Mafia, on Gunns, but nothing ever came of it. And to this day it he is living large as a result.

So, next time Gunns tells you he's taking a gig just for the money, don't look down on him. Because it's likely he's looking down on you, from the helipad on top of his estate in the country.

Cheers...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)