Losing his touch

Have the glory days of Likki Stixx' manhood passed him by? Has he lost his celebrated Midas Touch with persons of the fairer sex? Where once upon a time we would never question his ability to talk his way into the drawers of any, and we mean any, woman, of any age, from 14 to 84, we now have to revisit the basis for our admiration. Could it be that Likki is responsible for turning Lindsay Lohan into a lesbian?

For those of you who may be out of touch with the inner workings of the celebrity world (as opposed to those of us are out of touch but fool ourselves into thinking otherwise), young Miss Lohan has been rumoured (though she vociferously denies it...) to be engaged to Samantha Ronson. Now while it is true that Miss Ronson looks like a 14 year-old boy, extensive testing has established that she is female. Regardless, it has been speculated that after a rehab-comiseration affair gone wrong in Promises Treatment Center, with none other than Mr. Stixx, Lohan has sworn off men forever. One has to wonder if Likki was just trying to establish his place in the 'institutional hierarchy' of the rehab, similar to his making other inmates his bitches in previous stints in correctional facilities after being wrongly accused of numerous petty crimes. Like it's a big deal to Miss Lohan that Likki repeatedly tried to 'toss her salad'. Funny how she's gotten so much more uptight since she let us toss it, years ago, seems success has gone to her head.

We still believe in you , Likki. Don't let the fact that you've driven a notorious celebrity boy-toy to the point of switching teams. It happens to the best of us, right Lou Diamond Phillips?

Buenos noches...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)