On the road again

As the Toyz prepare to head out on the road this weekend, it seems like a good time to sit back and reminisce about the best tours of yesteryear. There have been long tours and short tours, successful tours and not-so-successful tours. But there have never been boring tours.

There was the tour of the Deep South that the band did with Tora Tora. You may remember their debut album "Surprise Attack", I know I do. Unfortunately this tour happened before that record came out. Well, actually it wasn't really a tour at all. The Tora Tora guys just invited the Toyz down to be in a 'Battle of the Bands' in Memphis and to play at a gig they had booked at a local high school. But the boys did find some nice dates for a couple of nights, so that worked out ok. Except they ran out of money and had to hitchhike back to the West Coast, gear and all.

Then there was the 'Twice The Toys' tour with Dangerous Toys. Well, the band was led to believe it was with Dangerous Toys. Turns out it was a traveling road show warning parents about the seemingly innocuous nature of'dangerous toys' and 'broken toys'. So the boys spent five days in Austin, Texas sweating their sacks off and playin' with their Longhorns.

But the best tour ever was the 'Good vs. Evil' tour with Slayer and Stryper. You'd have all the bases covered: Slayer would bring in the sinners, Stryper would bring in the saints, and the Toyz would cover anyone who was kinda on the fence. Well, the tour didn't even last one show. The sinners started to beat the hell out of the saints, but just as things were getting ugly, the cloudless sky lit up with frightening amounts of thunder and lightning, leading the sinners to believe that the Wrath of God was coming to avenge the beating of the sinners. But things worked out great for the Toyz, 'cause while all the guys in the crowd were brawling it out, the Toyz were banging their chicks, both the slutty Slayer chicks and the not-so-innocent Stryper chicks. Sometimes it pays to stick to the middle.

So here's to the road, where the fun never ends. Watch out Jasper...here come the Toyz.

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)