Holiday greetings

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. Every year the band likes to try and get home to celebrate the birth of their nation of origin. So, like every other year, I have to find a way to sneak them across the border, just so they can feel patriotic. I gotta tell you though, there are only so many ways you can hide these guys in a van, only so many places you can stuff a human body...



That reminds me of a story...

It was 1988 and band was opening for Pantera, back when they were glam (really!!), on the “Power Metal” tour. They were in Seattle, bored out of their minds in their hotel, The Edgewater. Their room overlooked the ocean, so Tommy and Dannii decided to do some fishing out their room's window. Soon after they started, Likki showed up with some 17 year-old chick, both just hammered. Before you know it, Likki has this chick tied up to the bed (she asked for it....really!) Moments later, Dannii hauls in this huge red snapper (Coincidence? I think not). Tommy asks what the hell they're supposed to do with this stupid fish. Next thing you know Likki grabs the fish from Dannii and starts sticking it in...

What? That happened to John Bonham of Led Zeppelin, too? Wow, that's a coincidence...

Uh...ok...Tommy just told me that never happened to Likki, it only happened to John Bonham. Johnny was lying to me when he told me it happened to Likki. Bastards...they're always f***ing with me.

Anyway, the guys have done and seen it all, except for inserting marine life in chick's vaginas. That happened to John Bonham. But he's cool, too. Too bad he's dead.

Ok. I gotta go now. But I'll be back with more shit you didn't know about Broken Toyz!

Later,
Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)