Hope I die before I get...

How old do you feel today? How about if I make you feel a little bit older? Are you a Stones fan? Did you go see them on the ”Bigger Bang” tour a year or so ago? Well, as of tomorrow, Mick Jagger is eligible to collect his old age pension. Granted, he likely doesn't need to collect the $180 a week it's worth, especially after the tour brought in about $560 million, but I'm sure he feels safer knowing that it's there if he needs it. Maybe he can send me a cheque for $180 a week, just out of pity. God knows, I could use it. This job pays bupkes.

That reminds me of a story...

So, just how good are the Toyz, in terms of straight musicianship? You all remember when Likki Stixx (or a reasonable facsimile thereof...) played drums with Motley Crue, filling in for the legendary Tommy Lee (now if only he could match T-Bone in the 'drumstick' department). Well, once upon a time the boyz were down in the Mississippi Delta, enjoyin' a travel day. The band 'bus' (ok, van) came to a stop in the middle of an intersection of two dirt roads. The boyz were lost. Luckily, there was a well-dressed African-American man just hanging out near the road (weird, yet handy). Well Tommy got out of the van and walked over to the man, who introduced himself as Scratch (nice name buddy). He gave Tommy directions and asked what brought the boyz to this neck of the woods. Tommy told the man that they were a band, on the road, just trying to make a livin'. Scratch asked Tommy if he thought he was a good guitar player, and Tommy being a bit cocky told the man he was the best. Well, well, said the man, I got a friend, Legba (another nice name) at the honky-tonk in town who might have somethin' to say about that. So it was that Tommy and the boyz headed into town and went on into that honky-tonk. Tommy asked for Legba. Legba stepped up, introduced his guitar player, Jack Butler, and asked Tommy if he was interested in 'cuttin' heads'. Tommy said I used to work as a fishmonger, but those days are behind me, sorry. Butler told Tommy he'd misunderstood. Would he like to have a head to head contest on guitar. Tommy said, sure, he had nothing else to do that day but drive. This could be fun, he thought. So Butler and Mr. Gunns proceeded to lay down some devilish guitar licks, one after the other. On and on it went until finally, Butler couldn't keep up. Only later did Tommy find out that Butler's soul was no longer his. Tommy had defeated the Devil's...


What? That happened to Ralph Macchio, too? Wasn't he The Karate Kid? Wow, that's a coincidence...Huh? It only happened to Ralph Macchio in the movie Crossroads? It never really happened at all?

Uh...ok...Johnny just told me that it happened to Ralph Macchio, in a movie, but not Tommy. Johnny was lying to me when he told me it happened to Tommy. Bastards...they're always f***ing with me.

Anyway, the guys have done and seen it all, except for cuttin' heads with Jack Butler the Devil's guitar player. That happened to Ralph Macchio, but not really. But he's cool, too. He was in “My Cousin Vinny”. Wonder if he got to see Marisa Tomei's rack?

Ok. I gotta go now. But I'll be back with more shit you didn't know about Broken Toyz!

Later,
Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)