Help me, help me...

What does that mean...child-proof packaging? I know that it's supposed to keep kids from getting their dirty little hands on things (pharmaceuticals, etc.) that could harm them, but, really, can't they make them so that adults can open them. I mean, am I supposed to feel retarded (I mean mentally challenged, sorry)if I can't get into the stupid packaging? It's not supposed to be person-proof, just child-proof. Can't they, maybe, put a card reader on the outside of the package so you can swipe your I.D. and have the package open? I'm sure someone, somewhere has come up with that technology, don't you think?

That reminds me of a story...

It was 1988. Before she made it big doing movies like “Wayne's World” and the like, Penelope Spheeris was doing a movie called “Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years”. It was about the booming metal scene on the Sunset Strip and beyond. Naturally, in addition to such monsters of the scene like Odin, Lizzy Borden and Seduce, she wanted to get the scoop on the Toyz. Everyone agreed that this would be great exposure and decided to make an appearance in the movie. But no one could track down Tommy. For a week everyone searched, high and low, for the missing guitarist. Finally, Spheeris got a tip that Tommy was holed up at his mom's house. She rounded up her camera crew and they headed out. When they showed up they saw Tommy's mom sitting, hands gently folded in her lap, as her son, the rock star, floated in her pool on an inner tube...ABSOLUTELY SMASHED, drinking straight out of a 60 oz. bottle of...


What? That happened to Chris Holmes from W.A.S.P. , too? He was floating in his mom's pool smashed, in the movie, too? Wow, that's a coincidence...

Uh...ok...Dannii just told me that it happened to Chris Holmes, but not Tommy. Dannii was lying to me when he told me it happened to Tommy. Tommy was never floating, smashed, in his mom's pool. At least not in a major motion picture. Bastards...they're always f***ing with me.

Anyway, the guys have done and seen it all, except for looking like idiots, floating drunk in their mom's pools. That happened to Chris Holmes. But he's cool, too. Actually, no he's not. Didn't Lita Ford divorce him? Loser.

Ok. I gotta go now. But I'll be back with more shit you didn't know about Broken Toyz!

Later,
Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)