Good God, it's the spawn of Satan!

Yes, the rumours are rumours no more. The scuttlebutt has basis in fact. You may have heard word swirling around in the depths of hell. Or possibly at the Toyz show at Morgan's on Tuesday night. We can confirm that, indeed, Johnny Emaxx has become a father for the 16th time, bringing the band's total to 37 children on 5 continents (oddly, the band's biggest man-whore, Dannii Lee Damage has but a single child, how to wrap that rascal Damage...). Emaxx's latest progeny arrived just moments before he took the stage and he was informed of the happy occasion by Tommy Gunns, who had assisted in the delivery (is there nothing this guy can't do?).

There was some question leading up to the birth as to whether Emaxx was really the child's father. With his history of indulging in the odd cocktail and mountains of some mysterious white powder, it's been well-documented that his sperm-count had dropped perilously low and included many motility-challenged little fellas. But as they say, it only tales one bad apple to inseminate an egg (or something like that...). Besides, those new turkey basters they have can fire that sperm WAY up into the uterus.

I haven't yet learned the new bundle of joy's name, but I have no doubt it will be similar to the thoughtful monikers of its siblings (which include 4 Bambis, 3 Candies, 2 Brandys, a Fawn and a Luka (DaTits), among others). We hear the child's mother is doing well and is mulling the removal of her restraining order against Emaxx. Let's hope she goes that route, so the little one can experience the atmosphere of love and warmth that is Emaxx.

Now just a word of advice for Mr. Emaxx: if the new member of the Emaxx dynasty is female, do us one favour. Keep it away from Likki Stixx when it reaches it's mid-to-late teens. We hear his taste in companions is skewing younger every day (ouch!).

Anyway... lock up your mothers all. The last thing we need is Broken Toyz Baby number 38!

Out...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)