Turning the other cheek

It was something we may have all secretly hoped for, just maybe, somewhere deep in our hearts. And it was a refreshing change of pace. It was last Tuesday, at Morgan's, to refresh the image in our minds. The band was having a rare off night, energy-wise, in the dressing room before show time. The lone bright light, in an otherwise strangely subdued atmosphere, was one Johnny Emaxx. Strongly entering his third smoke-free week, Emaxx was a revelation. Picking up the boys spirits, drawing up the set list, helping with wardrobe and aesthetic fixes. It was other-worldly. But, come on, we can only take so much of this 'Bizarro World' alter-Emaxx. It's almost enough to make us want him to get back on the darts.

You know things have gone to far when Emaxx is sending me a thank you card for boiling his bass strings and oiling up his fretboard (no, that has nothing to do with me touching his penis, bastards). He even coughed up the tip for our server when we dined on the exquisite fare at Denny's on Sunday night. And he actually, cliched as it's going to sound, helped an old lady across the street yesterday (Ok...he offered to help her across the street. She held out her hand for assistance, then looked up at him, shrieked in horror and started to run into traffic to get away from him. He pulled her back to his side, where she tried to hit him with her purse. He deflected the blow, the purse careened back and struck her in the head, knocking her out. He caught her as she fell toward the ground, threw her over his shoulder and proceeded across the street. She came to half way across the street and started punching and kicking him. He deflected the majority of the blows, got to the other side of the street, gently placed her back down, then had to bolt as an off-duty cop tried to arrest him for forcible confinement, but hey, he tried to be nice.)

Johnny, don't get me wrong, I love that you're getting healthy and happy, but you need to draw this process out. We're going into some kind of sweetness-induced shock over here. We kind of miss the old Emaxx. You know the mean, grumpy, 'I'm gonna beat the piss out of you if you don't get out of my face' guy. We always knew there was a hint of 'love' behind those glowing red embers you had for eyes. Now the eyes look like gumdrops or something cheesy like that. I guess it's true what they say, be careful what you wish for, you just may get it.

It's been a pleasure...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)