Likki: a busy little beaver?

Is Likki Stixx a jack of all trades, or what? We see him every week playing drums and taking a turn as front man of the Toyz. We have it on good authority that he whips up a pretty mean shot of espresso and we've seen the fine afghans he has crocheted during his down time while on the road. But is he stepping out of his league these days? We've heard some rumours which may indicate that he thinks he can, indeed do it all.

The first rumour is not so far-fetched, we suppose. Word has it that he may audition for the lead vocal spot in Velvet Revolver. We know he can sing. He shares that 'heroin chic' look that Weiland had, without the actual heroin use. He's got some serious rock star cred, having drummed (albeit briefly, very briefly...) with Motley Crue. And he likes to f**k. Time will tell if that pans out, we see the VR boys leaning another way, though. Next up, we hear that Likki has been approached about appearing on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars". Really? We know he can find a groove and ride it 'til it keels over and dies, but dancing, on national TV no less, requires a completely different kind of rhythm. He's done the horizontal mambo, and he's got that Axl Rose snaky thing down pat, but can he handle the Tango? We have our doubts.

Instead, we think he should get his own reality show, not like "Dancing with the Stars", but more like "So You Think You can Dance?". Yeah...but with sex instead of dancing. "So You Think You can F**k?"! We'd get all these porn starlet wannabes and they could take turns with Likki. Each week they could perform some particular 'skill' and at the end of the show, Likki would send one of them back to their father, or their pimp, in tears. I guess it would only work on cable, but I'm sure the Discovery Channel or the Women's Network would make a killing with it.

So, Likki, if those other gigs don't work out, you have our permission to pitch our idea for "SYTYCF" to any network you want. And by the way, where's that goddamned Carolina Hurricanes-themed afghan you promised me?

Good day...

Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)