Cold hard facts?

New light has been shed on the Toyz ties to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. A couple of weeks ago, we talked about the rumours of Dannii Lee Damage being Bristol Palin's real father. Now it seems that Johnny Emaxx may have touched Gov. Palin's past in a manner that is just as interesting.

A few years back, the Toyz were doing one of those quasi-famous month-long stints in the far north. Trust me, you spend 30 days and nights in a hotel in the middle of winter without a ray of sunshine all day, would go a little batshit, too. Anyway, Johnny Emaxx was sitting in the bar one afternoon, doing shots of Yukon Jack with off-duty state trooper Mike Wooten. Somehow the two of them ended up back at Wooten's place, continuing their binge. Wooten goes to take a piss and Emaxx starts poking around, checking out Wooten's collection of Norwegian black metal CDs and German scheisseporn, when what does he spot but a taser gun, sitting plain as day on one of the shelves of the entertainment centre.

Having 20 or 30 shots in him already, Emaxx giggles and picks up the taser, hiding at the entry to Wooten's hallway. Wooten returns from the can and Emaxx pulls the trigger, sending Wooten to the floor in spasms. Emaxx laughs his ass off, dropping the gun. Wooten stops his twitching, picks up the taser and blasts Emaxx who, in turn, falls to the floor doing the chicken. Wooten, now laughing his ass off at Emaxx, is startled when his stepson enters the room to see two grown men, hammered and pissing themselves silly, tasering each other. His reflexes and judgment impaired by his Emaxx-size consumption, Wooten spins, aims and tasers his stepson. The rest, as it slowly escapes, is history.

Who woulda thunk it? The Toyz, indirectly shaping the fortunes of the United States government. Their reach is damned near universal, isn't it?

Don't taze me bro...


Eli Finkelstein (Cy's kid)